Trauma, Toxic Parents, Complicated Relationships, How to Talk About Death Dr. J Trauma, Toxic Parents, Complicated Relationships, How to Talk About Death Dr. J

The Right Way to Approach the Death of Someone Who Harmed Us (Or Our Ancestors)

It’s been a few days since the death of Queen Elizabeth II was announced. And as one would expect, the topic has been trending on social. Thanks to social media communities (example: #BlackTwitter and #IrishTwitter), many of us have become more aware of the collective and generational trauma experienced around the globe as a result of British colonization during her reign.   

This brings up an interesting question: What is the right way to approach the death of someone who has harmed us? Below are a few tips.

If it is a parent or family member:

  • Forgive them or don’t

  • Reflect on and express feelings such as sadness or relief

  • Express wishes for them or don’t think about them at all

  • Engage in traditional mourning behaviors or celebrate

If it is a public figure: Same as above

The “right” way to approach this situation is whatever way makes sense for a particular person at a particular moment in time. 

We are not required to approach death in the same way as others or as tradition dictates. 

High-profile deaths often have a way of bringing up all sorts of emotions. And if feelings come up that are tough to deal with despite discussing it on social or with friends, talking with a mental health professional who can provide an inclusive and trauma-informed space might help.

Wishing you comfort.

Art/Image Courtesy of: https://www.etsy.com/shop/CarmenNydiaFineArt

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