How Long Should the Eulogy Be?
How Long Should the Eulogy Be?
This has to be the question I get asked the most. And it is probably the toughest to answer, because… it depends. It depends on so many things - the goal, the context, the setting, external time limitations, the structure of the eulogy, personal preferences, and much more.
Common Questions
One of the most comforting things in life is knowing you are not alone. The same goes for questions about writing a eulogy - something that is probably new for you. Whatever question you have about the eulogy, please know that someone else probably has that question too.
But Seriously, How Long Should the Eulogy Be?
I believe the eulogy has to feel “right.” And that means that there aren’t any hard and fast rules. You can create whatever eulogy fits your needs - even if it goes beyond the traditional 5-7 minute timeframe. If you only have your location for a limited amount of time, you may have to keep it shorter. Or perhaps there are other speakers scheduled, then you may need to keep it shorter. However, if you are having a celebration of life, homegoing, or funeral service where you can afford extra time, then if it feels right, go for a longer eulogy. On the other hand, sometimes a shorter eulogy is what will work for you and feel more true to you and your loved one.
Below, I’ll share three options, along with pros, cons, and tips for both shorter and longer eulogies. Hopefully, this will help you decide how you want to approach the eulogy.
Some Options
Stick to the traditional 5-7 minute speech.
Pros: You can feel confident that you will be able to keep the audience’s attention. Most folks can comfortably pay attention for 5-7 minutes.
Cons: It can be very difficult to decide what to include in a short eulogy speech. This often takes a lot of time and can be stressful.
Tips: When deciding what to include, remind yourself that while you want to tell their story, that doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone about their life from beginning to end. Instead, you can take some life highlights and use them to drive home who they were as a person and how they impacted you/others.
Go longer.
Pros: You have a chance to share more about the person. This is especially helpful if you have an audience of people that may not have known the person as well in some areas. This will allow you to share a more full story about the deceased’s life and impact on you and others.
Cons: A longer speech may not be possible due to external time limitations. Additionally, it may be more difficult to keep people’s attention for an extended period of time.
Tips: If you opt for a longer funeral speech, be sure to keep the content extra engaging - you can do this by “showing” the audience your main points through the sharing of anecdotes and actual memories/stories about your loved one. For example, was there a funny phrase they used or a quirky thing they were known for? Offer some stories about those things.
Split up the speech with another family member or friend.
Pros: This can take some of the pressure off, since you can either work on it together or you can focus on just one part of their life, while the other person focuses on another part. It can also help if there is something one family member/friend wants to include, but you don’t feel comfortable including in your speech.
Cons: It can get tricky to decide how to split things up. And, depending on the context and circumstance, there might not be enough time to have multiple speakers.
Tips: Decide early on who will do what. Assuming you both know what the other is thinking is a recipe for misunderstandings and added stress. And don’t forget to compromise - different things are important to different people. And that’s okay.