How Long Should the Eulogy Be?

How Long Should the Eulogy Be?

This has to be the question I get asked the most. And it is probably the toughest to answer, because… it depends. It depends on so many things - the goal, the context, the setting, external time limitations, the structure of the eulogy, personal preferences, and much more.

Common Questions

One of the most comforting things in life is knowing you are not alone. The same goes for questions about writing a eulogy - something that is probably new for you. Whatever question you have about the eulogy, please know that someone else probably has that question too.

But Seriously, How Long Should the Eulogy Be?

I believe the eulogy has to feel “right.” And that means that there aren’t any hard and fast rules. You can create whatever eulogy fits your needs - even if it goes beyond the traditional 5-7 minute timeframe. If you only have your location for a limited amount of time, you may have to keep it shorter. Or perhaps there are other speakers scheduled, then you may need to keep it shorter. However, if you are having a celebration of life, homegoing, or funeral service where you can afford extra time, then if it feels right, go for a longer eulogy. On the other hand, sometimes a shorter eulogy is what will work for you and feel more true to you and your loved one.

Below, I’ll share three options, along with pros, cons, and tips for both shorter and longer eulogies. Hopefully, this will help you decide how you want to approach the eulogy.

Some Options

  1. Stick to the traditional 5-7 minute speech.

    • Pros: You can feel confident that you will be able to keep the audience’s attention. Most folks can comfortably pay attention for 5-7 minutes.

    • Cons: It can be very difficult to decide what to include in a short eulogy speech. This often takes a lot of time and can be stressful.

    • Tips: When deciding what to include, remind yourself that while you want to tell their story, that doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone about their life from beginning to end. Instead, you can take some life highlights and use them to drive home who they were as a person and how they impacted you/others.

  2. Go longer.

    • Pros: You have a chance to share more about the person. This is especially helpful if you have an audience of people that may not have known the person as well in some areas. This will allow you to share a more full story about the deceased’s life and impact on you and others.

    • Cons: A longer speech may not be possible due to external time limitations. Additionally, it may be more difficult to keep people’s attention for an extended period of time.

    • Tips: If you opt for a longer funeral speech, be sure to keep the content extra engaging - you can do this by “showing” the audience your main points through the sharing of anecdotes and actual memories/stories about your loved one. For example, was there a funny phrase they used or a quirky thing they were known for? Offer some stories about those things.

  3. Split up the speech with another family member or friend.

    • Pros: This can take some of the pressure off, since you can either work on it together or you can focus on just one part of their life, while the other person focuses on another part. It can also help if there is something one family member/friend wants to include, but you don’t feel comfortable including in your speech.

    • Cons: It can get tricky to decide how to split things up. And, depending on the context and circumstance, there might not be enough time to have multiple speakers.

    • Tips: Decide early on who will do what. Assuming you both know what the other is thinking is a recipe for misunderstandings and added stress. And don’t forget to compromise - different things are important to different people. And that’s okay.

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Dr. J

Dr. J is a practicing licensed clinical psychologist and a eulogy consultant. Her passion for supporting others during life's most challenging moments is the reason she created The Gift of Eulogy, where she provides eulogy consulting services, including editing, ghost-writing, and coaching.

She earned a doctoral degree in Clinical psychology and completed a Post-Doctoral Fellowship that included hospice/palliative care services. Currently, Dr. J's clinical practice is focused on serving those in need as the director of an award-winning mental health treatment program in a large healthcare system. She has also previously served clients in private practice, providing support to those in need, with a focus on trauma, grief, and loss.

Her experience as an adjunct faculty member teaching college students helped her combine her passion for the field and for teaching. And, as a former training director for a large pre and post doctoral psychology training program, Dr. J is proud of her contributions to the high quality training of our newest generation of mental health professionals.

Dr. J has years of experience speaking and writing. She has presented at numerous conferences and hospitals on a wide range of mental health topics, including suicide risk assessment and management. Her experience as a writing consultant for local and international doctoral students has been incredibly rewarding. Dr. J has also written or developed numerous training manuals, seminars, and workshops over the years and recently authored a chapter related to dementia care in an edited book with Springer.

She can be contacted at info@thegiftofeulogy.com

https://www.thegiftofeulogy.com
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15 Prompts for Writing a Heartfelt Eulogy